"I believe in the love of God, it is an orphan's wildest dream, it is a Narrow Little Road, it is an ever widening desert stream" ~ Red Mountain hymn

"This narrow little road may be filled with both abundant joy and humiliating sorrow; surely, even its promised Divine acceptance cannot assure it's travelers absense of profound rejection. Indeed, this narrow road may be filled with a great many things, but the one thing it truly lacks is regret!" ~Debbie Sue

Thursday, May 19, 2011

a lil perspective

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...

I'm realizing that you will all be reading this post at different times of day across the world. After this whole malaria thing my perspective and my love feels bigger, stronger, wider, deeper, and even wiser; after seeing, feeling and hearing so many miracles and receiving countless letters and confirmations that 10's even 100's of thousands of people were affected by this and praying for me across the world, I know I will never be the same; we will never be the same!

I had such an amazing time of rest, recovery, and resolution in DC, Boston and Boise. I thank those of you who spent hours apon hours visiting and caring for me in the hospital (especially my amazing mother), praying for me from far away, challenging me to see Jesus through it all, encouraging me to cling to hope and to God's promises, supporting me through many changes and confusion, listening to me while I fall apart and burst into tears over the pain, and guiding me with truth coupled with deep love through these last couple months.

It's been a sweet bumpy rollercoaster, and yet it's amazing to see the things that come out when we are jolted and tossed around by life.

At some point I will blog more extensively about what I saw and the crazy things I experienced through this trial, but for now here are just a few things I learned and postive things that have come of this...

relationships made stronger, people seeking Jesus and praying more and praying harder (even for the first time), family having changed persepectives, nurses seeing the strength of Christ through our weakness, knowing the depths of Christ and His sufferings in a deeper more personal way, doctors coming to an end of their human understanging and looking for an explanation outside themselves and science, unity in the body of Christ... it's just a glimpse...

I could barely see or understand much of anything that was going on when I first entered the hospital (everything was blurry and fading in and out, sounds were muted, slow and far away)... 104.4 temps,
seizures, lack of blood and oxygen, and medication will do that too ya. I wondered if I was dying. It all looked and felt a lot like those scenes you see in movies before people "see a light" or whatever. I was freaking out because I couldn't communicate with my words and no one could understand me when I tried...

but what I could do was listen, and listen I did indeed!

And I realized in those moments that I hadn't been doing much of that whole listening thing the last month/months or so previous... henceforth why I was terribly confused, neurotic, planning like a crazy person, and changing my mind with every toss of the waves. Definitely not what Jesus intends, and it
doesn't have to be this way when we are simply abiding in His love.

Let's just say, during those 24-48 hours, being only able to listen changed my life, and my persepective.

As a result, I saw who was around me in the moment and how I could love them, I received things from Him and others that I never could have had I been well, I embraced people and life knowing that they're both fragile mysterious and often unknown, I heard in my heart the tender voice of the Lord and what He wanted most deeply for my heart and my life, I felt His presence and the awareness of an opportunity for people to
know Jesus deeper and for His Glory to be displayed, I heared His voice...

"I'm not finished with you yet." That definitely led me through those first 72 hours for sure!

There is so much more I would love to share but this is what I have processed so far. For those of you who want to know how to pray further for me, please pray for healing in my right hand and wrist (if you missed my last update- my nerve and tissues were damaged by a blown vein and a lot of poisonous medication).

I'm currently traveling the Portland area till the first week of June, and overall I'm getting lots of rest and time with friends and family here! I will be in and out of the Portland area throughout the summer. More of this to come, but I am moving to Boise officially in August, and will be living communally with a very lovely couple (The Hartmans) while I finish the remainder of my undergrad, Lord willing!

An official introduction to the Hartman's and their compound will be in the mix in the next couple months. I will be living in a tree-house like cabin on top of a chicken coup that also poses as a green house and mini brewery. I call it "green chicken brewery"... it's a household name :)

"For the joy set before Him..." Hebrews 12

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