"I believe in the love of God, it is an orphan's wildest dream, it is a Narrow Little Road, it is an ever widening desert stream" ~ Red Mountain hymn

"This narrow little road may be filled with both abundant joy and humiliating sorrow; surely, even its promised Divine acceptance cannot assure it's travelers absense of profound rejection. Indeed, this narrow road may be filled with a great many things, but the one thing it truly lacks is regret!" ~Debbie Sue

Monday, February 21, 2011

FLASH: when the music fades

Written in 2/15/2010

Mornin O! How was the night?

This morning I woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and my new smiley and exhausted roommate Joni. She has been up country for the last two weeks (common for all the ladies in the SP house) and was home just for the night before she heads back up.

When I sat down with my fresh cup of coffee next to her, prepared to do my daily morning Bible reading, she turned to me and said, "Do you mind if I put on some worship music?"

Hmmm... sounds like a normal question, at least for those of us who listen to this type of music on a regular basis. But for me, it struck me deep down in my gut, and threw me way off guard.

Music is a huge part of my life. I'm not a musician persay but I love to sing all day long, write songs and lyrics, and dabble in instrument playing. However, in the last 6 months, the only music I hear is AKON and Rianna and then a few local African artists on the radio, the humming in my own head, and the congregational worship music on Sundays.

Shortly after, I arrived in Liberia my computer died from excessive currant with lack of ventilation (that's my diagnosis). This means that all the music that I brought that encourages my heart when I'm hurting, leads me in worship to my Creator, and repeatedly fills me with joy was taken away- out of the blue. Then not too long after, my camera was spoiled. I just woke up one day and it didn't work.

Taking pictures is also something that brings me more joy and comfort than I could ever express. so, why do I share this?

Only because in the last 6 months, I have seen God repeatedly stripping me of the things that normally draw me into His presence, and there's an intentional lesson that He has for me in it.

I began working over this thought in my brain before church (thanks
Joni ;) and a few songs into the service, we sang these lyrics...

"When the music fades, and all is stripped away And I simply Come!!! (maybe this is what He is desiring)
Longing just to bring, something that's of worth
that will bless your heart, Jesus
I'll bring you more than a song (?), for a song in itself,
is not what you have required
You search much deeper within through the way things appear
you are looking into my heart!

I'm coming back to the heart of worship where it's all about you Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it but I now I know
it's all about you Jesus"

So today, maybe it seems like something has been taken away. I know a few things in my heart that I feel that way about currently. But maybe in all those things, those hurts, or those things we've been clinging to for so long. Maybe He's bidding us to come once again, wanting more than the little sacrifices we give or the songs that we sing (and often don't even realize what we are singing); just maybe He's looking so much deeper within and calling us to give him our hearts.

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