Written on 2/12/2011
How de body? How was the night? We tell God thank you o!
Do you ever have those days when you feel like you couldn't possibly be more full; like you've had so much interaction, such full and meaningful conversation, and such delightful experiences that you could just burst into a million pieces at any moment, or beg Jesus to take you home right now- while everything is so wonderful? yeah that was my day.
I think I counted 12 friends in Liberia that I got to go visit with today and 10+ friends and family from the states that I got to chat with for over 10 minutes each. WOW! In one day, I've talked to 5 friends who have either just had a baby or are about to have one, and I've discussed 4 upcoming weddings, one of which I'm delighted to be in! YIPPEEE. Man, I wish I could go take some jumping pictures right now to get out some of this energy.
It's midnight here and I feel like I'm preparing to run a marathon, not preparing for sleep.
So here's my current status...
Thou shalt WAIT upon the Lord thy God!!!
Wish I had more news than that. My mind is endlessly spinning, definitely with excitement and all the what ifs and plans of trying to figure out what's happening next. Even though the place is not yet set in stone, the season is becoming clear. God has certainly been taking me on a journey of steadfastness during this season.
I have experienced tremendous trial in Liberia and yet I have had one of the most truly beautiful, powerful and joyous seasons of my whole life. It seems like the years just keep getting better, and I LOVE that!
I feel so much passion in moments that I purposely look for a rope to tie my foot to the ground lest I fly off a cliff. And yet there are moments when I feel like I need to swim in the ocean with an air tank nearby just in case I forget to breath for too long.
It's only been 6 months, and it's been wonderful, but I have been running and serving hardcore, non-stop, and I've definitely been needing a breather. I've needed some time to really process the woman I've become and who I want to be in the future. I've had to explore what's happened in my heart, what kind of life I'm being called to and where I'm going from here. And praise God, SP and ELWA have totally been that for me this last month or so.
Also, I have been able to relive my experience through writing and to take others on this journey with me; and this journey has manifested itself in this blog: http://thethree-ls.blogspot.com
I started it back in June 2010 and then hid from the blogosphere because I
couldn't download anything in the bush my first 4 months in Liberia.
I definitely feel like I'm standing at a cross-road watching all the cars pass me by, staring at the multiple roadsigns, and thinking,
"any road would be wonderful", "how am I to choose, Lord?"
Well, God definitely gives us a map of where to go with these questions (namely His word, fasting and prayer), but He doesn't necessarily give us the answers we want, or in the time frame that we demand.
I just have to laugh at myself sometimes. It can be so easy to try and wait for some imaginary Divine Arm to point you in a direction, or to pick the easy or most fun or most safe road among the choices, but it's rather difficult to trust and believe in something that's unseen and often really quiet-
like peace or a whisper.
Most of us have to be screamed at to get motivated or to slow down or "to get the picture."
But God would love to be able to have children who are quiet enough and still enough to respond to his whispers. I don't imagine Him anymore as the disapproving mad dad that's ready to slap me for every bad choice, or even honest mistake. That's a miracle in and of itself.
Do you ever imagine Him as the Dad that actually delights in us?
I telling you oh (Liberian phrase), He truly wants to lead us and guide us, He longs to give us wisdom, and He loves to give us His peace and provision. We don't have to try to manipulate him into it either, because
He honestly and wholeheartedly delights in us knowing and loving Him.
Hmmm...let's think about peace for a minute shall we? The Bible uses this word a lot when it comes to following God in faith. I think of this verse,
"And the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Do you ever wonder how peace has the power to "guard" our hearts?
I don't know about you, but as a lady, I have spent countless hours going over the meaning of this verse in my head; primarily because it is used as the token slogan to inspire most Christian girls to wait and date wisely.
The conclusion that I have come to at this point is: if peace can guard, then doesn't it also protect? And if it truly protects then it brings the right kind of security we are looking for. And if real security can only be defined by truth, and truth is something that should be trusted, and trust is declared by "submitting to" and "delighting in" the honor, provision and value of another, then, when you truthfully honor someone or value something, there is an utter feeling of freedom in your heart and thus this peace both guards and guides your life (yes, even your dating).
But we are afraid to put our trust in something that can't always be seen, or touched, and because of that very few of us really understand this "freedom" that certain "others" talk about.
But Helen Keller said it quite well my friends-
"the best things in life can't be seen or touched, but must be felt with the heart!"
That's rather profound coming from a gal who couldn't see or hear her whole life. I mean how did she know what was better if she hadn't experienced the other? I believe it's because that peace that she felt through her heart and not through her eyes, it protected her, it "guarded her heart" as the Scripture says. It carried her through a world of unknowns and unseens. It became her teacher and her guide. She learned to believe and trust in the things that she felt; the things that had the power to teach her and change her life for the good. I want to experience
the good things with my heart, and not just my eyes. I want to let those things that I've felt deeply and experienced fully empower my life to be on a mission that is meaningful in the lives others.
With all that said, love and PEACE to each of you!